I was truly affected today.

I tried so hard not to; not because I didn’t care; it was because I think I care too much. My heart is in my stomach while I’m writing this. I didn’t want to write but I needed to express my feelings somehow. I just had to.

Seeing the children trying to grasp some sort of meaning to their hearts’ ache and trying to never wanting to understand why they cannot see their mummy or their daddy for the last time. Why do they have to be wrapped up nicely in the Jalur Gemilang? Why can’t mummy come here to hug me? Why isn’t daddy putting me on his lap now? I am in tears now as I sit at the corner of this cafe thinking about the fate of these children. My only comfort for now is that they are surrounded by other family members who love them unconditionally and will hopefully fight and defend them as how their parents would.  As I close my eyes I silently pray for God to give them strength and the will to live. People say time will heal all wounds. Do you really believe that? I don’t! I believe that you learn to manage the pain a lot better in time but the pain of losing someone almost never goes away. Never.

To the parents, friends & families and especially to the children of #mh17 , I am so so so sorry for your lost. There are no words worthy enough to express the sadness and pain that you carry and as much as you would trade anything and everything to have them back; you simply must stand tall to move on. Know this, God is ever so kind. Its hard to believe that for now, I know! But HE is, from HIM you will gain strength, from HIM you will find love, from HIM you will be whole again someday soon.

I will not put pictures which were never mine to share out of respect for #mh17. I just really needed to let this sadness out. I just needed to allow myself to grief for them. I am not even thinking of my “what if’s” because I have no right to.

May you find peace up in heaven #mh17…